BY BETHANY AKA MISS BETTY DOLL
First of all, let me start by saying that not all traits are found in every partner, and that growing together is of vital importance. I think there exists this false narrative now, what with Tinder and other forms of instant gratification, that we either don’t need high standards, or that the perfect partner exists, if only we search hard enough. Neither extreme is true.
In reality, no one is perfect and relationships take compromise, work, patience, and a willingness to try – over and over again. And the below list is a list of things that are helpful in a partner, but not every partner will tick every box. That’s fine. Humans aren’t meant to “tick boxes” anyway.
So, here are my top 5 traits for the ideal partner:
Respectful – Respect is a term thrown around a lot in Hollywood films, or by authority figures. However, it’s a term that means an admiration for a person that is brought on by their qualities and abilities. Respect also means having regard for a person’s feelings or wishes. Both definitions are vital to the success of any relationship. If you don’t admire the person you are with or you don’t carefully consider their feelings when decisions are being made, you’ll have issues down the path.
Funny – With the world in an ever-changing state of stress (and sometimes chaos), this trait is more important now than ever before. You don’t want a partner who takes themselves too seriously. I can’t tell you how many times I’ve wanted to kill my husband since this pandemic began in 2020 because he’s forgotten to take out the rubbish for the 5th time this week, or he’s made some unhelpful comment again. And then he gives me a look, or tells a joke, and I melt into laughter and lighten up. Life is so messy and can be so painful – you’ll want a partner who can lighten the mood when it’s required, because there’s no doubt it will be required, often!
Compromising – No, this doesn’t mean you should want a partner who compromises on their boundaries or who they are is a person. No, no – an ideal partner is one who is willing to admit when they are wrong and mould their life with yours – not around yours, nor should you mould yours around theirs. You want a partner who creates goals with you, who compromises where need be, who knows how to let an argument go when necessary. “I’ll clear the table while you load the dishwasher”. Compromise.
Growth Mindset – It really doesn’t matter how much money they make or what they do for a living. What you want is a partner who is willing and eager to grow. If they are willing read books, take classes or do deep dives into what motivates them, you’ve got a winner!
Similar goals – This isn’t a trait so much as a similarity, but it’s probably the most important aspect of a successful relationship. It’s important to speak, very early on, about your life goals. Do you both want kids? Do you both want to work? Does one of you want to start a business and the other say “banish the thought”? Does one of you want to spend money travel the world early in life and the other want to save all of their money and retire at 40? Have the difficult conversations, be assertive and open and figure these things out early on. And if your goals are far apart but you have a kind, funny, compromising partner with a growth mindset, you two will fiture out how to find common ground with your goals.
And there you have it. There’s no one recipe for a successful relationship. There are, however, things you can look for to set yourself up for success!
Bethany has a Bachelor’s Degree in Psychology and has been married for over a decade. She moved to Australia from the US to be with her husband in 2009 and they have three children together. She is passionate about femininity, confidence and relationships. She also has a successful pin-up fashion blog, check her out on instagram @missbettydoll
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