Why Does My Husband Look At Other Women?

In my time counselling couples, there is almost always one consistent problem that comes up. ‘My husband always looks at other women’. Of course, I can understand why this would feel like a betrayal of trust and perhaps make you feel insecure, but there are biological reasons this happens, and it may not be the end of the world.

In reality, men look at other women. To say you want a man that doesn’t look at other women at all is unrealistic and worrying about it is a waste of your energy. In saying that, it is a totally normal reaction for women to feel offended and/or insecure when this happens.

Even me, the queen of self-confidence (pfftt!) gets a bit of a sting of jealousy when I see my man looking at a beautiful woman. All sorts of non-productive thoughts go through our heads, “Does he think she is better looking/skinnier than me?”, “Is he sick of having sex with me?”, “Does this mean he’s going to cheat on me?” and the answer to all of these questions is no. Well, maybe, I mean anything is possible – but most of the time it doesn’t mean any of those things.

Humans were made to appreciate beauty in the world. Whether it be a flower, a sunrise or a sexy ass woman. Personally, I get it. I probably check out other women more than I check out other men, because lets face it – they are beautiful. Not only are people beautiful to look at, they are also interesting. All the different types of faces, bodies and expressions of fashion are fascinating. I know my partner and we have talked about this, and he just genuinely find other people interesting to look at and I have to agree with him.

So I can’t get mad when he’s looking. I trust him enough to know he’s not looking because he wants to go elsewhere and I have enough self esteem that I know what I have to offer, so I’m not overly threatened by other girls.

As with most things in relationships it all comes down to trust and self-esteem. Your partner should be your best friend, so you should be able to discuss it realistically without emotions and insecurity getting in the way. If you discuss it and you let him know that it really makes you uncomfortable, then he should reassure you and try to respect your wishes by not doing it in front of you. He WILL however, continue to do it when you’re not there, That is NORMAL.

If it does make you uncomfortable, dig deep into why. Do you have self-esteem issues that you need to resolve? Do YOU look at other men/women that you find attractive? If yes, does that mean you want to cheat on your partner? Probably not! So trust that your partner is with you for a reason, and try and understand that it’s a basic human reaction to beauty that we all have. Maybe next time you see him do it you can join in and comment on why you think she’s beautiful – see how it compares with his thoughts, People-watching can be a bonding activity!

Bethany x

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