You may have had a rough childhood and blame your upbringing for the mistakes you have made in your life. If you’ve ever thought ‘How can I forgive my parents for the damage they have done to me?’, this article is for you.
Our parents have the very important job of raising us from infants. What they do and say has almost everything to do with how we experience and see life as a child and also as an adult. Despite knowing that this is a very crucial time in development of who we become, some parents just consistently f*ck up.
I mean, hey, I am a mother of 3 boys and I am nowhere near perfect, so I can understand how it feels to just want to go to the toilet alone. In saying that, I don’t understand how some parents can treat their children like they are hinderances to them living their lives or tools they can use to use against their ex partner.
When I became a mother, my life was instantly all about them, and I am grateful every day that I get to be my boys’ mum. I genuinely enjoy every day with them. That’s not to say I don’t have my bad days, my yelling minutes or my tear-my-hair-out moments – but overall, I would literally lay myself on a train track for those boys if I had to.
At the end of the day, we all feel like our parents owed us a happy childhood – and they did! But you have to remember that our parents are also flawed humans. This doesn’t mean we have to continue having them in our lives, especially if they continue to be flawed, toxic human beings, but forgiveness and understanding of their shortcomings can heal us.
There comes a time when you need to stop blaming your parent(s) for everything that’s gone wrong in your life. Yes, they may have put you on a path to destruction, but when you become an adult, you have the power to change that. There’s only so much responsibility they have for your actions and feelings at this point.
I’m not going to go into my childhood and the many, many horrible things I witnessed and were done to me, but they were substantially messed up and I blamed my parents for all my shitty choices up until about 22 when I realised that the only person I was hurting was myself. Your parents can’t make your life better once you’re an adult, it’s now on you!
If they didn’t protect you like they should have, if they abused you, if they were emotionally distant or just not there at all – then you have every right to be upset. If they aren’t remorseful or don’t think they did anything wrong, I wouldn’t blame you for keeping them out of your life, in fact I think you should .
But if they are sorry and trying to make amends, maybe just remember all of your mistakes and cut them some slack. I don’t believe blood is thicker than water, but I do believe that everyone deserves a second chance.
If you want to forgive your parents, try to understand where they were coming from or what they were going through at the time. Sit down and have a chat with them, be open and honest about your feelings and they may open up to you about where they were at at that particular time. You never know, you may find a deeper connection that you didn’t know you could have.
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