5 Reasons People ‘Ghost’

Ghosting has become a term people use for someone who you start dating and everything seems really good. You spend time together, you talk about the future and it seems like it’s headed in a promising direction. Then, suddenly, they disappear. You have no idea why, it’s just over, seemingly without reason.

There are a few reasons why people do this – and they could be confronting for you to read if you have been through this yourself. I’ve put together the top 5 reasons why people do this, and be warned, I’m not sugar coating anything.

  1. They’re Just Not That Into You

The most common and simplest explanation is – they’re just not that into you. They may have been attracted at the start, but then as things progressed they realised it wasn’t what they wanted and they were just too gutless to say it and have a confrontation about it. Or it could be they literally just wanted a sex companion until they found something else. I once met someone interstate and thought we really hit it off. We didn’t sleep together or anything, but it was intensely awesome (I thought) and we spent lots of time together. Long story short, I flew to Melbourne to see him again by myself, and he literally did not show up to meet me or answer his phone. I went out by myself, had my own hotel room and met some cool people, so it wasn’t all bad, but I was so confused. When I got back home he texted me to say his phone fell into a puddle….ahhh yeah okay mate. That’s a story that still makes me feel really embarrassed and stupid, but I wanted to share that because it can happen to anyone. As much as it hurts my pride, I realise now that he just didn’t want me and the baggage I had. Just the idea of me, by myself (no kids), and that’s ok, I dodged a bullet. And if this has happened to you, you have dodged a bullet too.

2. They Have A Mental Health Issue

Mental health is something lots of people struggle with. Everyone has their own ways of dealing with things. If you are dating someone with mental health problems, sometimes that comes with a lack of self-worth as well. If they feel that they are too happy with you, or are scared of losing you, they may actually leave you because they are pre-empting what they see as the inevitable. In this case it is actually best to just let them go. They need to work on themselves and loving who they are before they can love anyone else properly. Don’t make them your pity project either (yes, I’m talking to you).

3. Fear of Threats or Violence

Some women that do this may do so because they have been abused in some way before. They are too scared to have a confrontation or tell someone they’re just not feeling it because they are scared of what words may be said or the repercussions that may arise from not wanting to continue the relationship. Even if you haven’t given them any reason to feel this way, if they have had a history of violent and explosive partners in the past – this could be the reason.

4. They Found/Have Someone Else

This carries over from ‘they’re just not that into you’, but it’s possible they have just found someone that suits them more, and they don’t want the drama of telling you and feeling bad. So, just gutless, non-combative and lacking any respect for you and your feelings. OR they could be actually cheating on their partner with you, and have come too close to being found out.

5. They Have Found Out That You Did Something Wrong

We’ve talked about why the ghosters may be assholes, but not about the ghostee. What if they just found out that you were also sleeping with 3 other people while you were seeing them? Or that you have just gotten out of jail for domestic assault? Even if you weren’t official, this is definitely enough for some guys (and girls) to just say ‘fuck it’ and say you’re not worth their time.

Most of the time the reason for ghosting is just that they lost interest. It doesn’t mean you’re a bad person or shit to date, it just means you weren’t for them which is totally fine. It is actually a good thing, because it means you’re not wasting anymore time. So forget them, and give yourself time to meet someone who is on your level.

Bethany x

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