A toxic relationship is one most of us know and have had experience with, but why is it so appealing and addictive? Well, it’s a mix of physical, emotional and psychological things happening simultaneously that keeps drawing us back. Here, I go through the 5 main reasons why people get trapped in toxic relationships.
- They Make You Feel Good….At First
In the beginning, a toxic person will Love-bomb the shit out of you. Poems, flowers, chocolates, gifts, declarations of love and pressure to commit to the terms of the relationship early on (What are we?). Proposing marriage after 3 months is a RED FLAG! All of this adoration and attention stimulates our feel good hormones and puts us on cloud 9. Could this be THE ONE?! Is this what you’ve been waiting for your whole life? (SPOILER ALERT – NO.)
2. They Play On Your Insecurities
They know your insecurities so they play on them, and when you confront them about it you’re just being ‘crazy’ or imagining things. They will act really interested, and the disinterested so you never know exactly where you stand. They’ll casually mention that other people would love to be in your position, and they could get someone else easily. They’ll even tell you why they are no good for you, so that you see them as a challenge. You can change them. (NO YOU CANT!).
2. The Chemistry Is Amazing
Pushing each others buttons, the back and forth, the breaking up and getting back together all leads to feelings of suspense, excitement and drama which leads to some pretty epic sexual chemistry. I mean, how good is make up sex, right? Add to this the fact that the dopamine and oxytocin that’s released every time the cycle happens actually bonds you more to this person, and you have no chance. Remember – good sex does NOT mean he’s your soul mate.
3. It’s All You Know
Unfortunately we learn what’s ‘normal’ from our parents. If we have been shown and experienced only toxic relationships, we may not know what a normal healthy one is or even know what to do when there is no drama or turmoil. It takes a lot of self-reflection and research to learn what a healthy relationship should look and feel like, you always know when it’s not quite right.
4. You Feel Like You Don’t Deserve More
Fear of not being able to do any better will keep people in a relationship. Read that again. How horrible is that? You think you don’t deserve more, so you accept less. You teach others how to treat you, and by accepting their shitty behaviour you are telling them that you have no self respect and are worthless. Don’t let somebody do that to you. How awful! It doesn’t matter who you are, what you look like or what you’ve done, everyone deserves to be treated respectfully and loved properly.
5. You Have Invested Time/Money/Emotions
It’s easy to stay because of the time, money and effort you’ve put into a relationship, and be scared to lose all of that. Time and money and effort you will never get back. I say it’s even more important to get out as soon as possible so you don’t waste even more of these precious things! Life is too short.
if you find yourself in this type of relationship, please start doing some work on yourself. I know they can be amazing, but if the good doesn’t outweigh the bad and they are not truly there for you in every way, you are just prolonging the inevitable.
You owe it to yourself not to settle.
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