We all know the feeling. You feel so heavy you can hardly move, you don’t want to think, you don’t know what to do with yourself. You curl up into a ball and cry, wishing the pain would stop. You don’t understand what went wrong and you wonder if you are just unlovable?
Heartbreak is a killer. It affects you not only emotionally but physically as well. It has control of your mood, your appetite, your stomach, your skin, your sleep – everything.
Whether it was your choice to let go or theirs, the pain from a failed relationship makes it hard to function in every day life. There are a few things that can help.
REMEMBER WHY IT’S HAPPENING
It’s easy to romanticise your relationship and second guess whether the break-up was a good idea or not. Don’t forget that absence makes the heart grow fonder. It ended for a reason, remind yourself of what those reasons are. If it was him that chose it, either cheating on you or just decided to move on from the relationship, remind yourself that it is for the best. If he wasn’t happy with you it isn’t your fault, it’s about him. You just weren’t meant to be. Him leaving has made room for what’s meant for you, to come into your life.
If you were the one who made the decision, remind yourself why you made that decision. You chose yourself and your happiness, so celebrate that. Take it easy on yourself and trust your choice.
STOP AUTOMATIC THOUGHTS IN THEIR TRACKS
It’s easy to overthink things, especially thinking about what they’re doing (and who they are doing it with!), remind yourself IT IS NOT YOUR BUSINESS ANYMORE. Don’t hurt your own feelings by dreaming up imaginary scenarios of him banging several hot girls at once while you’re at home crying – it serves no-one. Chances are, he’s batting off at home to ‘Whore of the Rings’ with hands covered in Cheetos and tears after several Tinder rejections.
Automatic Thoughts are those negative thoughts that pop up in your head without warning. Then you chew over them, tossing and turning them over in your mind until you drive yourself crazy imagining all these scenarios that probably aren’t happening and will never happen. You need to recognise these thoughts when they come to you, stop, and say ‘NO I AM NOT THINKING ABOUT THIS’ and direct your thoughts elsewhere. Visualise something you love or something funny instead. Have a train of thought as a go-to to distract yourself. Go for a run, or if running isn’t your thing, go and cook your favourite meal. Listen to music that uplifts you, get lost in TikTok. Anything that stops your mind from running overtime will help. It may be hard at first, but eventually you can train your brain to stop these automatic thoughts and focus somewhere else – it’s a reallly handy skill to have.
Journaling is magical. There is something about putting pen to paper that just brings out things you didn’t even know you had inside you. Pour your heart out, pen to paper, and feel the stress just release out of you.
GET THE FUCK ON WITH IT
Girl, you are a boss. A Queen. A fiery, strong woman who can fight through this feeling and get back up again. How many times have you felt like this, like you will never get over it or find someone else and then you have? Even if you don’t, you have YOU. You always have yourself to fall back on, so work on yourself, make yourself even stronger. You do lose a part of your heart and soul every time something like this happens, but in it’s place is a new strength and a new outlook. Life is all about growth, and sometimes it hurts to grow, but it’s always worth it.
Think about how far you have come, not how far you have to go. I promise if you stop letting other peoples actions affect your self worth, you can do anything.
So get up, dust yourself off, grab a wine and start planning the rest of your life
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