First of all, let me say that this is not about boasting or letting everyone know how good I have it. It’s about the hope and realisation that good men are out there, and you should never settle for less.
Your partner should encourage you, lift you up and make you feel like you can trust them with anything. If you have someone that’s constantly making you feel upset or paranoid, you need to think about why that is and if it’s worth continuing, kids or not.
Before I met my soon to be husband, I was living with a lot of trauma, heartache and shame. I acted from a place of pain without realising it, and always found myself in shitty relationships because of it.
I always blamed myself, maybe it was just me being damaged and these were men I was causing to act like this. It was my fault, not theirs.
When I first met J, I just thought no way was it going to work. We lived in different countries, had almost entirely different views on the world and we would argue about small things constantly. I kept trying to not speak to him anymore, but he challenged me so much and never said what I wanted to hear for the sake of it – and there was something about that that really appealed to me.
He wasn’t putting me down in any way, he’s never once called me a name. He was challenging my entire way of thinking. And this caused me to rethink everything I ever believed about myself and the world. I hated it at first, he brought up a lot of things in me that I wanted to block and hide away, but after a while I became a different person, a better person. More patient and understanding towards others, and more importantly, myself.
I told him everything about my life, the abuse I’ve suffered at the hands of men, the poor choices I’d made and all the stuff I don’t want anyone to know, and he loved me anyway. I pushed him away, broke up with him a million times because he was ‘too hard’ and he loved me anyway. Eventually I trusted him enough to believe that he actually did love me, but he was also going to call me out on my bullshit – and that was so life changing for me.
For the first time I have complete trust in a man to look after me emotionally (and physically hehe) and I can tell that I’ve changed him for the better too. Now we grow together, and it’s just so nice.
I promise you, that man is out there for you. All it takes is a bit of time, trust, self love…and perhaps an overseas trip (I had to import him from NZL) 😂
I now look back and find it ridiculous that I ever settled for anything less!
Don’t give up, girlfriend. You deserve this too x
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