Do you feel like your life would be better if it wasn’t for someone else ruining it for you? Do you feel like your circumstances are out of control? If you just had that supportive spouse, that sexy body, those perfect parents, a better boss – it would all be sweet! Right? For a long time, I blamed my upbringing for all the mistakes I made. I played the victim, I wallowed in self-pity and repressed rage at the way I felt about myself. I look back at my childhood and I have quite fond memories of a lot of it, especially memories with my dad and my grandma, but I chose to let the negative consume me. Living my life through the lens of someone who thought they were owed something, took me down some terrible paths, paths I wouldn’t wish for my worst enemy (if I had any!).
When I tell people what I have been through in my life, usually they are shocked that a) I am still alive and b) I am a somewhat successful person that seems to be holding everything together. The catalyst for the huge changes that I made in my life was when I realised that clinging to the victim role was not doing me any favours. Did I want to feel sorry for myself and wallow in self pity forever? What was I getting from it? Sure, I got attention and pity from some people, but I mostly got taken advantage of and was harming my body and soul. I loved to blame my parents for the fact that my life had gone down the drain. Blaming them for the drinking, blaming them for the weight gain, blaming them for my mindset. My messy unit, my lack of self-control and motivation. All their fault. Well, there comes a time when you need to stop blaming other people for the way your life is going. You could be dealt the worst cards in your life, but what you do with them is up to you.
I have a little trick up my sleeve that I learned from Jocko Willinck (he is amazing, if you’re looking for some motivation go and check out his podcast/books). Simply put, if something is going wrong in your life, you say ‘GOOD’ because good is always going to come out of any situation. You will learn something vital in every problem you go through. Your kid got suspended? GOOD. Now you know he is unhappy, and you have some time to talk to him about his feelings so you can help him with whatever he is going through. You put on 5 kilos? GOOD. Now you know eating a tub of Ben & Jerrys a night isn’t working for you (I learnt that the hard way). You got fired? GOOD. Now you can focus on getting a job you are happier in, or even starting that business venture you’ve always wanted. You got a huge pimple on the day of an important meeting? That is never good, why the hell does that always happen (so annoying grrr!).
You get my drift? As soon as you let go of what could have been and start working on what you have going for you right now, the sooner you can stop wasting time on wallowing and blaming external factors for what you’re not happy with in your life. You can have anything you want – ANYTHING. You can do anything you want. You just have to work for it and stop making excuses. It is not out of your control. Now that you have read this, you are accountable (ha-ha!) so work out what you want, what the little steps to take towards that goal are and start killing it at life. Your past doesn’t have to mean your future. You are not your parents, you are not what that low life boyfriend called you, you are not what the bullies at school used to say you were. You can be a new person as soon as you decide to be.