How to Talk to Women

I know that a lot of my stuff is predominantly directed at women, but I get a lot of men asking me questions, and one in particular. That is – how the hell do we communicate with women properly?!

It is a great question, and one that I will try and summarise as quickly and to-the-point as possible. There is no one right way to talk to women, as we are all different, but there are a few things that are universal that will help.

Stop complaining about being friendzoned. Women are not vending machines that you can just put compliments and niceness into and sex comes out. They just don’t think of you that way, and thats it. Complaining because you consider yourself boyfriend material and they don’t is stoopid. Stop doing that.

We’re not magical fantasy creatures who fart glitter and poop rainbows. We’re not some mystical unsolvable mystery that you need to ‘work out’. We’re just people (I don’t personally fart or poop though, I don’t know why, I must be a medical anomaly)

To put it simply, treat her like a friend. Send her memes (definitely send her memes, but start with the more vanilla ones and test how dark she can go before you start sending the realllly good ones). Ask her questions about what she likes and genuinely show interest in her and what she is about. Don’t overload her with compliments and/or bag yourself out for example “You’re really hot….can’t believe you’re even talking to a pleb like me” – Ew.

Funny self deprecation is okay, but definitely don’t put yourself down too much. Confidence is key, be happy with who you are and be strong in that, it’s sexy. Don’t be fake, don’t say what you think she wants to hear. Women are very attuned to vibes and energy, and if you are being fake she will notice. Anyone can pick up desperate vibes and anyone can pick up when someone is into them for the wrong reasons. If you’re a little nervous around her, tell her that. A little bit of vulnerability is a good thing.

In saying that, you need to get to know her to figure out if you even want to be with her or not! Where are your standards and conditions? Throwing compliments and flirtations out into a bunch of women and hoping one sticks is just, well, pathetic. And it doesn’t make us feel special.

Ask her what she likes doing and then ask her if she’d like to join you in said activity. If she says no, or doesn’t make an effort to create an opportunity for another date when she’s free – she’s playing games or she’s just not that into you. Don’t push the issue, be there as a friend without any ulterior motives but don’t reiterate your feelings for her and try for more dates, if she hasn’t bitten yet – she probably doesn’t feel the same way. Women are a lot more assertive these days, if they want something they will say it. She doesn’t owe you anything for being there as a friend.

If she doesn’t respond to your compliments with an equally sized compliment, or responds with ‘Awwww, thanks’ – that’s a bad sign. One word answers or leaving a long gap between answers is also a bad sign. Love hearts on Instagram messages with no written response accompanying it? Bad sign.

I don’t think I have to write this (surely I dont, right?) but DO NOT SEND DICK PICS. We do not want them, or if we do, we will ask. There’s nothing more off-putting than opening your phone and having someone’s dick staring you in the face and accosting you without warning. Just no.

Don’t be gross and ask us about our sexual history or what we like in bed, before then going into what you like doing to women in the bedroom because you think we will sit back and go ‘oohhh….he likes giving head! SOLD – come over right now and get to work!” – nobody asked what you like, we don’t want to know unless we are actually in a sexual relationship with you.

So there you go. No dicks, no fake-ness and no entitlement. Just be yourself and be a friend, that’s how every relationship should start anyway. (and NO DICKS)

Bethany x

Photo by Deon Black on

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