Have you ever caught yourself mindlessly flicking through Tinder, swiping left on yet another guy posing with a fish, or a total “stud” from the ‘School of Hard Knocks’ and thought “I can’t be arsed”?Welcome to dating after 30. You’ve got your shit together (maybe), you know what you want (sort of) and the only thing you’re really missing in your life is that special someone.Dating apps and social media have almost completely changed the way we date. Now, we’re being reduced to being judged on a photo and a paragraph. We are being swamped by matches and messages (even some requests for ‘bobs and vagene’; and if you are at the stage where you are considering these people, we need to talk). All of this makes it pretty hard to make a lasting connection. Keeping all of this in mind, there are a few things you can do to tunnel through the BS and finally find a decent guy!
FIRST THINGS FIRST – KNOW YOUR WORTH
Yes, it sounds cliché, but I will re-iterate this. Do not sell yourself short.Having kids does not lessen your value.Being divorced does not lessen your value.Not looking like a Kardashian does not lessen your value (it probably increases it)Age does not lessen your value.The person who should hold you in the highest regard – is yourself. There is absolutely no point in reading any further and attempting another relationship until you work on your relationship with you, because it is the most important one you will ever have.
KNOW WHAT YOU WANT
Make a list of everything you want in a partner but be open to someone who may not fit all the criteria. Try to stick to the important things that are going to matter when you are both old and wrinkly like shared interests, values and morals. Steer away from the 6 pack and donkey schlong (although that would be nice). Have a list of questions you can subtly introduce into a conversation. Now, I will emphasise; this is a mental list. Please do not show up with a clipboard or a questionnaire for them to sign, or you may stay single!
DON’T WASTE TIME
Once you learn to love yourself and genuinely enjoy your own company, you will lose that desperate need to date. Don’t waste time dating someone you don’t really like that much just for the sake of dating. Be upfront and honest if you are not feeling the vibe. Make sure you communicate clearly and don’t play games. Do not accept game playing either, if someone seems not into you – they’re not. Don’t play into it, it may have been exciting in your twenties but now it’s just boring. YAWN. Trust your gut, if you know it’s not right – let it go, no matter how good they may look on paper. That’s not to say discredit a guy because he may seem strange (my fiancé doesn’t wear shoes and he’s obsessed with the muppets), but if you get a weird, scary vibe – GTFO.
Being over 30 you’ve probably had your heart broken before. You’ve trusted people and they have let you down, or you may have a few skeletons in your closet. Meh – this is a totally normal part of life, don’t let it make you bitter.Open up and trust the process, choose to trust new people until they show you otherwise Don’t forget, any new partner has probably been down the wonderful road of heartache as well, and will likely have their guards up too. If you let your guard down, then they will be more willing to do the same.There are some good ones out there, and if you stay positive and approach dating with excitement – then you will eventually find yourself finding a decent human….I promise!So, if you feel you’re ready to take on the dating world again, take care of yourself, don’t accept any crap and most of all have FUN. There are worst things in the world than being single.- Bethany x
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